There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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