So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
