he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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