Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
