Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize