Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
