I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
