once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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