If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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