it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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