It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
