Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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