your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
