really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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