My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
