I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you never un-have a 4some
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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