You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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