I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
