i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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