i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think people are normalizing furries
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
