that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
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when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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