My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
