I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
two words: eviction party
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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