So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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