As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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