Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
