Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
