God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
