I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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