Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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