I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
BRING THE BAGELS
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
