I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im six kinds of drunk right now
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish life had little blips of pornography
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
