Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
