I just made out with a guy for $7.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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