...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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