Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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