My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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