theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
