dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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