My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Come back. Shots need mouths.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
