was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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