Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
