dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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