I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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