I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
