If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
