another moral hangover. fuck.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
