1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's shark week go big or go home
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