time to smoke my breakfast
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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