So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
