im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
