I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You are a genius and a whore.
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