The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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