a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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