he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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