took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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