This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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