im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
