you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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