You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
