I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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