i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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