K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
